That Feeling When…

I am constantly looking over my shoulder. I worry and fear that something that I’ve done has destroyed some kind of delicate balance in the universe. Sure, that may sound a bit pompous. I mean, really, who can honestly say they were so important that a large group of people or at least a segment of the world needed them around? Obviously, a small amount. In fact, the important people I can think of are government officials or maybe even scientists working to cure cancer.

Since I am neither of those, it can sound a bit self gratifying that I would think I could cause a great disturbance to the Force. Yes, I made a Star Wars mention. Anyway, the likelihood that I am one of those people is preposterous and yet I find myself second guessing everything I do. I guess that’s what anxiety is all about.

I am constantly asking my husband or parents if I made them upset. I am constantly looking through the internet to see if what I blog about is: A. offensive, B. not allowed in the blog by blog power holders, and C. illegal in the internet and international sense. I re-read posts and edit them to the point that P.C. isn’t even a term to describe my amount of paranoia.

The ONLY time I feel like I’m not hurting someone in the world is when I’m writing. At least I KNOW when I’m hurting or going to hurt someone in that world. To be honest, it’s great for people with control issues. Just think about it, writers CONTROL through their writing. We, or at least I do, CONTROL the characters and we know what is going to happen to them. It’s when we can no longer read their minds or see their motivations that we are in reality.

I would like a day to never have to think that way. I want to be able to see the world the way people without anxiety live. I am now thinking about The Little Mermaid.

Anyway, I truly want that for myself. I want this little monkey off my back. I want to look at myself in the mirror and say confidently that not only am I not that important to the grand scheme, but I’m happy about that. I want to put that blind faith and trust in a higher power without wondering if I am wrong because so many other people think I am. Because, if I am wrong, what does that mean for children who think the way I do? What does that mean for good, honest people?

I mean, how can one group of people say that another’s beliefs are wrong? If group A have strong convictions, they should trust that their higher power is okay with group B or else higher power would never had made them. Meanwhile, I’m in group Z, still trying to figure myself out by writing and still looking over my shoulder wondering who the next person I offend is.

Forgot to Post

I’ve just realized that there have been at least two Tuesdays where I didn’t post a poem. I guess that trend didn’t last long. I’m going to try and have one up tomorrow, but no real promises on that one. My life has been pretty busy lately.

I’ve been doing a lot of cleaning and running around lately. To be honest, writing hasn’t been my top priority lately. I think it has to do with the lack of crativity in the latest chapter I was writing. It is terrible. I was bored and not happy with the work. Unfortunately, it’s moments like this that can stop me from writing all together. I did finally finish that chapter, but there is no way that I am happy with it. There’s no doubt it will be expunged.

Granted, one chapter out of the fourteen written that I’m not completely happy about isn’t that bad. I can get back into the swing by writing chapter fifteen and keep going. Hopefully my goal won’t be messed up by it.

Stress has also been messing up my creativity. I had a little meltdown Friday night. I was upset because I don’t feel pretty. I needed a change. Something to make me feel alive again. It’s hard for me to feel pretty. It’s even harder for a mother to feel pretty. I happen to be both. Joy. So, I got a haircut and boy do I feel good.

Now, all I need to work on is exercising (not the healthiest of people, I’ll be honest) and my swelling. I swell and I have no idea why. I’m used to icky sweaty palms, but my feet and hands swell up when I’m too hot. It can get uncomfortable when I walk or when I am giving handshakes. Today, I have a doctor’s appointment to see what’s going on. I hope it’s something that is an easy fix and not a full out disease. Well, I’ll see.

Book Sixty-Six of 2014: Black Widow by P.J. Adams

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Two years ago Eleanor Dryton lost her husband, her job and her friends.
She lost everything about her old life that ever mattered to her.
All she had left were her will and a burning desire for revenge.
Now, El has served her time for being an unknowing partner in her murdered husband’s crimes. Her prison sentence has toughened her up and she’s learned that she can be bad.
But when her search for revenge leads her to a man who takes bad to a completely different level just how far is she willing to go? If prison has hardened her, what effect will the man who killed her husband have? And does she even have any control over what happens next?
A dark and disturbing romantic thriller from the bestselling author of Winner Takes All and The Object Of His Desire.

–Author’s Note–
This is a dark romance novel. It contains themes of violence and mature situations that could make readers uncomfortable.

Yes, this book is considered a dark erotic romance, but I didn’t see any of that. What I saw was a dark and twisted story that centered on sexual violence, both from the actions of the characters and the crimes the husband was known for. If sexual violence bothers you, this is not a book you should read. I don’t know how anyone could see this as erotic, but that’s one of the genres it is considered.

Now that I’ve finished saying that, I did actually enjoy the book. The sexual violence in the book made sense, though it was disturbing and I was cringing through it all. I found the book more about finding your freedom and a revenge story. I wouldn’t say that I related to El in that she was like me, but I could understand where she was coming from.

The book is sectioned off with present time and past moments. You see what prison was like for her. You see what brought to her being arrested. You begin to want her to find vengeance. She lost her life and her husband. I’m sorry, but I’d probably be thinking the same things. Now, you may find plot holes (some people did), but I didn’t care about that. It was a quick novella that was dark and delved into the twisted world of f-ed up people. I felt bad for everyone involved.

Luckily, with the ending, the book doesn’t suggest that we should embrace sexual violence in our lives. Like I said before, it was a tool used to show the twisted workings of people and I felt it spread a form of awareness of what life is for some people. I wouldn’t say romance or erotic at all because those would connote that I was “turned on” or had an emotional investment in the relationship of two characters. This is a story about survival and strength. It is a story about revenge. And, I really liked it. Even if it was disturbing.

Book Sixty-Five of 2014: Curse Breaker: Guild Assassin by Berley Kerr

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Wendy Magdalena Braca lived in a Victorian mansion under three moons in Jupiter City. But her privileged upbringing falters when after the death of her father and the murder of her mother, she is shipped away to Greenleaf Asylum for Troubled Girls and lived there for years until she is “rescued” by a strange guild that shows Wendy their world; the world of Guild Assassins made up of the Cæcus (normal humans), the Validus (magic-users), and Half-Breeds (demi-gods). In this world, Wendy discovers she is the most special and powerful Validus known to exist, the Curse Breaker.

Yes, the cover makes you think Steampunk, but it actually isn’t a Steampunk book. Guild Assassin by Berley Kerr is a Scicence Fiction first and foremost and then has Steampunk elements.

The first chapter is strong and pulls you in right into the story, but then lacks until the last chapter. This is due to the “telling” like story form. I would have liked the story better and probably understood Wendy better if the rest of the book was written like those two chapters.

As such, I couldn’t relate to Wendy. She was bland and didn’t seem to have emotions when her life went to hell. Once again, I think this is due to the “telling” story form. I couldn’t understand why she was flippant about rape and nightmares. She mentions having nightmares due to rape, but as a reader, you don’t experience those moments with her. You’re only told that she had them. If there was more detail to her nightmares, I might have understood why she went the drinking route. I might have been able to relate to her.

The world is interesting. It is not our universe’s future, but the future of an alternate Steampunk world. Meaning, what would have happened in 2024 if we were a Steampunk world to begin with. I found that interesting, but very confusing as well. I couldn’t understand why the clothing hadn’t changed that much in the many years. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting our clothing today, but clothing changes with time. There didn’t seem to be that much change in what you see in other Steampunk worlds and this one. But, if that’s the only issue about the world, it’s not that bad.

Overall, the book had potential and I could see something happening. I just couldn’t relate to Wendy and that turned me off to most of the story. Also, there are quite a few grammatical errors (“souls of feet” instead of “soles of feet”, and the switching of words). They bothered me, but I was mostly able to ignore them. I wouldn’t mind trying the sequel (which is hinted in the end), but I hope that the storytelling is different. It’s a book that has potential and could be done better, in my opinion.

 

God’s Play Cover Reveal

Cover Artist: Alexandria Thompson http://gothicfate.com/

Cover Artist: Alexandria Thompson http://gothicfate.com/

 

Sixteen-year old Toby was trained by a family of hunters to kill shape-shifters — but he has a unique weapon in his arsenal. With a touch of his hand, Toby can lift the magical protection shape-shifters use to disguise themselves as human. It’s an unusual skill for a hunter, and he prefers to kill monsters the old-fashioned way: with a blade.

Because of his special skill, Toby suspects he may be a monster himself. His suspicions deepen when William, a jackal-headed shape-shifter, saves him from an ambush where Toby’s the only survivor. And Toby doubts William helped him for purely altruistic reasons. With his list of allies running thin, Toby must reconcile his hatred of shifters and the damning truth that one saved his life. It’ll take both of them to track down the monster who ordered the ambush.

And Toby needs his unlikely alley because he has a vicious enemy — the infamous Circe, who has a vendetta to settle against the hunters. Toby has to unravel the mystery of his dual nature. And he has to do it on the run — before Circe finds him and twists him to her own ends.

God’s Play is a young adult urban fantasy written by H.D. Lynn and published through Curiosity Quills Press. It will be released in September 18, 2014. Check out the Goodreads website at: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22895484-god-s-play

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H.D. Lynn is like Harry Potter in one way: she’s currently renting an apartment with a bedroom under her building’s stairs. Other than this, she explores fantasy worlds through storytelling like anyone else. She loves books with a mix of humor, adventure, and horror, and especially enjoys the urban fantasygenre. GOD’S PLAY is her first published novel.

When not writing, she enjoys hiking, climbing, and running. She’s a voracious reader, and has found listening to audiobooks while backpacking to be a perfect mix of her two favorite things. She currently lives in Connecticut, but finds herself on the road often.

Her Social Media Links are:

@HeatherLynn117 (Twitter)

http://godsplaybook.tumblr.com/ (Tumblr)

http://throwthisbookatme.com/ (Personal Blog)

http://captainheatherlynn117.tumblr.com/ (Personal/Fan Blog)

Deceptive Cadence Cover Reveal

Cover Artist: Alexandria Thompson http://gothicfate.com/

Cover Artist: Alexandria Thompson http://gothicfate.com/

Cadence awakes in a hospital to find her husband and daughter dead, killed in an earthquake. So when her guardian angel appears and offers her a chance to go back in time with all the knowledge she has, she accepts, desperate to prevent their deaths.

 She shoots back eleven years to her fourteen-year-old self, and faces high school all over again. She is determined to do everything better, including preventing the loss of her best friend and not dating any of her original, drama-inducing boyfriends. Her main focus is on her future husband, who she won’t meet for several years.

 But James Gordon crosses her path. While she wishes to remain single, the bad boy pursues her. He threatens to disrupt everything that is to come as she begins to develop unwanted feelings for him, and distract her from her original goal: to save her future family.

Deceptive Cadence is a new adult romance with paranormal elements written by Katie Hamstead and published through Curiosity Quills Press. The release date is to be announced. You can also check out the book in its Goodreads site: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20875301-deceptive-cadence?from_search=true

Katie-Teller-Author-Photo-2

Born and raised in Australia, Katie’s early years of day dreaming in the “bush”, and having her father tell her wild bedtime stories, inspired her writing.

After graduating High School, she became a foreign exchange student where she met a young man who several years later she married. Now she lives in Arizona with her husband, daughter, and their dog.

She has a diploma in travel and tourism which helps inspire her writing. She is currently at school studying English and Creative Writing.

Katie loves to out sing her friends and family, play sports and be a good wife and mother. She loves to write, and takes the few spare moments in her day to work on her novels.

Book Sixty-Four of 2014: Only For You by E.L. Todd

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When Scarlet realized Penelope was dumping Sean, her best friend, she was devastated. Penelope was the love of his life, the woman of his dreams. Scarlet knew how far her best friend was going to fall and she had to catch him. Scarlet became Sean’s rock and helped him through a very painful breakup, but her own hidden desires bubbled to the surface in the process. When they finally gave in and slept together, she thought it was the start of their new relationship. Unfortunately, Sean didn’t feel the same.
Humiliated and heartbroken, Scarlet moved across the country and found what she least expected. She rekindled her damaged relationship with her brother, who she hadn’t spoken to in a year, and her brother’s best friend was attractive and interesting. Their relationship was natural and unforced, and she was immediately drawn to him. Would she be able to get over Sean, forget about him, by sleeping with Cortland, or would that just be another repeated mistake?

Only For You is a contemporary new adult romance by E.L. Todd. It is the first in a long series. Watch out, there are 19 books currently and I’m sure the number will climb fast. E.L. Todd is rather prolific and churns out her stories quickly. I can never keep up.

The Forever and Always series, the series that Only For You begins, is a rather popular series among her fans. They are emotionally invested in these characters and keep asking more. And, to be honest, I can see why. In all of the books I’ve read by E.L. Todd, this one was my favorite.

I liked the first person narative and that you get the point of views from both heroine and hero. Neither character seem to be at their strongest in this book and there were times that I wanted to smack Scarlet upside the head. The issue with her boss is one instance that I wanted to smack her. That said, it is unfortunate that there is a percentage of women who would deal with that certain situation the same way she does. It isn’t because the women aren’t strong, it’s because there are moments in society that make women (really, anyone) feel the way Scarlet does. I had to remind myself that when I was reading.

That said, even Sean had moments of serious smackdown. I’d tell you why, but it is integral to the plot. He did show a more emotional side to himself though and it is that aspect of this book that I like. Most male characters are seen as the big brooding hero, but E. L. Todd writes Sean and the other male characters in this book as regular people.

I would call this series a guilty pleasure series where when I need a fix of contemporary and drama I would go to. Am I going to continue this series? Yeah, I think I will.